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Has Marriage for Love Failed?, by Pascal Bruckner
Ebook Free Has Marriage for Love Failed?, by Pascal Bruckner
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Today we like to think that marriage is a free choice based on love: that we freely choose whom to marry and that we do so, not so much for survival or social advantage, but for love. The invention of marriage for love inverted the old relationship between love and marriage. In the past, marriage was sacred, and love, if it existed at all, was a consequence of marriage; today, love is sacred and marriage is secondary. But now marriage appears to be becoming increasingly superfluous. For the past forty years or so, the number of weddings has been declining, the number of divorces exploding and the number of unmarried individuals and couples growing, while single-parent families are becoming more numerous. Love has triumphed over marriage but now it is destroying it from inside. So has the ideal of marriage for love failed, and has love finally been liberated from the shackles of marriage?
In this brilliant and provocative book Pascal Bruckner argues that the old tension between love and marriage has not been resolved in favour of love, it has simply been displaced onto other levels. Even if it seems more straightforward, the contemporary landscape of love is far from euphoric: as in the past, infidelity, loss and betrayal are central to the plots of modern love, and the disenchantment is all the greater because marriages are voluntary and not imposed. But the collapse of the ideal of marriage for love is not necessarily a cause for remorse, because it demonstrates that love retains its subversive power. Love is not a glue to be put in the service of the institution of marriage: it is an explosive that blows up in our faces, dynamite pure and simple.
- Sales Rank: #437610 in Books
- Published on: 2013-10-07
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 7.80" h x .60" w x 5.10" l, .45 pounds
- Binding: Hardcover
- 96 pages
Review
"In this excellent little book, French philosopher Pascal Bruckner suggests that the very terms in which the argument against traditional marriage was made have served to undermine modern marriage."
The Australian
"This small, wise book takes on a very large question: why has modern marriage failed so catastrophically, so dramatically? With his usual eloquence, irony and taste for paradox, Pascal Bruckner carefully exposes the roots of the problem and argues that despite our modern 'realism' about love and sexuality, we have idealized and overburdened the institution and practice of marriage to an impossible extent. To be married today, Bruckner tells us, is nothing short of a Promethean task. For those interested in the cultural history of the institution and a meditation on our current malaise - our current crisis? - Has Marriage for Love Failed? is a must- read."
Richard J. Golsan, Texas A&M University
"For forty years, historians and sociologists have gradually been uncovering the history of private life, and especially of marriage for love.� Pascal Bruckner examines their work, beginning with the key question 'Is marriage for love finished?' - on which he casts a penetrating eye."
Luc Ferry, author of On Love and Learning to Live: A User’s Manual
"Pascal Bruckner puts his finger on the social and existential question of the moment: can marriage be combined with enduring love?� This is not a self-help book but rather the work of an astute writer and philosopher, written with elegance and style."
Hebdo �
About the Author
Pascal Bruckner is the best-selling author of many books including The Tyranny of Guilt, Perpetual Euphoria and The Paradox of Love. He writes regularly for Le Nouvel Observateur.
Most helpful customer reviews
1 of 1 people found the following review helpful.
Decent yet short read
By Ulalume Viva Jones
I guess the key to writing is to have your readers wanting more and at less than 90 pages long, I was intrigued by the subject and desired to keep reading. I read this alongside "All Joy and No Fun", which is a similar study on modern parenthood. The two books both explain how marriage wasn't for love until the 1800s in the Western world. This switch and ideas of perfect love from movies and TV has created a lot of extremes in romance, many of them unattainable contrasted with those who are in arranged marriages. It is stated that a couple needs more than romantic love and sex to sustain them and I agree with that. Divorce rates are high because there is an ideal that people think is out there, the what if, the this could make my life better...when they should look at what is around them, unless of course, it is a violent relationship of course.
0 of 0 people found the following review helpful.
Short and Sweet without a Lot of Depth
By Amazon Customer
The topic of this book (the goals of marriage and how they affect the larger society) interested me and continues to interest me. I am fascinated by the evolution of marriage in our society (and other societies) and how those changes impact marriage, families, and the society as a whole.
The author's conclusion seems to be that, while it is a good idea to marry (at least in part) due to affection, people should not leave marriage simply due to their partner's inability to meet every (unrealistic) expectation that they might have. Mr. Bruckner makes a strong case against ending a marriage because ephemeral feelings have done what such feelings usually will do -- fade over time.
While I agreed with much of the author said, ultimately I was not satisfied with the book. I think that there are three main reasons why I am not a fan of the book.
First, the author's writing style and organization did not work. It was difficult to grasp the development of Mr. Bruckner's arguments -- and not because they were especially subtle or sophisticated.
Second, the author proposed no true solution (either societal or individual) to the problem that he diagnoses. It seems that he is suggesting that people ought to lower their expectations toward their mates and realize that no one person can meet every emotional, financial, romantic, and sexual desire that a person might have. I write "it seems..." because that is the conclusion that I reached after having read his book, but this conclusion is not clearly stated by the author. Still, the author should have been more clear about his recommendations and they should have been more robust.
Third, I think that book would have benefited from less of the author's personal thoughts (and ramblings) and more statistics and historical information about marriage. It read a little too much like: "This is how my acquaintances -- who are Western European upper-middle class intelligentsia -- perceive marriage...." -- although a statement as clear as this one would have been welcome! In order to understand marriage in the Western world in the twenty-first century, it is important to understand its history and why marriage became "marriage for love." Mr. Bruckner does not adequately explore this important aspect of this issue. (Given how short the book is, it is not surprising that Mr. Bruckner was not able to give this type of context.)
The main benefit that I see to the book is that it raises the profile of the problem that the author does identify. For that reason (primarily), I give the book three stars.
0 of 0 people found the following review helpful.
Quick read, but interesting and thought provoking.
By Ms. Parrothead
First off, at less than 100 pages long, this is a quick read, but quality isn't hinged on quantity. This tiny book packs a lot of good, interesting information into a few pages. Although I knew that arranged/convenience marriages were the norm in other "non-western" places, and arranged marriages had always been made for political reasons (like uniting kingdoms), I had never really thought considered it a "Western" practice. This book opened my eyes to how the "western" practice of marrying for love is actually a fairly new concept, not really coming into practice until the 1800's. This "idea" of marrying for love, and "happily ever after" is also promoted by the media (for example most Disney movies and every Harlequin romance book/movie ever.)
It is this "marrying for love" concept that the author claims is weakening the marriage institution. Couples who marry for love often find that there are times when they don't love their partner, and instead of working through these feelings, they leave their partner to continue looking for their "happily ever after." They lack the tools or even desire to work through problems because "they" feel that a good marriage doesn't need work.
I enjoyed this book, it is a quick read and is an interesting subject.
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